DISQUS

Lisa Brewster · 1 year ago

You should never completely stifle yourself to save ruffling someone else's feathers. If writing openly about your relationships stresses you so much, perhaps you could start password protecting your posts, or (and I almost loathe to suggest it) start a private livejournal where it's easier to control who has access. I definitely don't want you to stop writing!

And if you haven't seen it, this post on the extremely public breakup of Chris Messina and Tara Hunt might really open your eyes on what it means to be open: http://www.sanfranmag.com/story/so-open-it-hurts

Jennifer Van Grove · 1 year ago

Lisa, I really appreciate your comment. It's a struggle to know what's best, but I definitely think that I might try password protecting some posts as an experiment. Of course I'll give you the password if I do! :)

JennsMouse · 8 months ago

I happen to know for a fact that this would hardly be the first time you've gotten drunk, found some guy you thought was fun, started flirting outrageously with him, sobered up, and changed your mind in time to create an awkward scene worthy of being straight out of Swingers.

Perhaps you should stop looking for love by throwing yourself into the physicality of it and focus more on the interpersonal relationship. You know, the conversation you have with your mouths several feet apart? Maybe once you've mastered those skills you can move on to the whole throwing yourself bodily at him, but as it stands this has become quite a regular pattern for you. I assure you the guys caught in your mousetrap of awkwardness would appreciate it too.

Jennifer Van Grove · 8 months ago

Did I behave this way towards you? Please accept my apology if that's the case.

I won't lie, I'm definitely fond of flirting just for the fun of it - ie. with no intentions of taking it further. I think most women enjoy a little attention when they go out, though I don't think this really relates to the post at hand.

In my defense this isn't a regular habit as you make it sound, as I'm not a huge bar hopper and make it a point not to look for love "by throwing" myself "into the physicality of it."

JennsMouse · 8 months ago

You did. Apology accepted, but that wasn't how you communicated your intentions at the time at all.

Flirting for the fun of it is fine when your not sending mixed signals galore. The "I'm not going to have sex with you." line is a sure sign that you've not established a communication repertoire sufficient to carry an understanding between you and the other party deep enough to ensure that misunderstandings are not going to be a regular thing when you're making enough sexual advances to warrant such a warning. Such things are generally understood by most people as "something which you don't do because people get hurt that way", but I understand you see things differently. Perhaps you should just go, "Here, why don't you read my blog and see if you still want to be doing this with me." because 99% of the guys you do end up doing this with are going to end up caught in the same mousetrap if you don't.